June 12th 2016
Today I watched the life of a friend of mine who died in pictures. I personally would call it a shame, but others called it a celebration and rejoicing in his life. I can’t view a person’s life only being pictures of their youth and find it rejoicing. I find it tragic. This was a kid who had a family and died. Hell, I have a family but honestly, I sometimes wish or believe I’d be better off dead. Things around here are just very fucked. They have been ever since my mom died, even before that and they probably will be for a long time. The world just always wants to change right when you want to get comfortable.
I don’t know, does a person’s upbringing determine who they are and become/are destined to do? You’d think all the rich marry each other and become disgustingly wealthy while trash marries trash. Maybe I just don’t feel like I’m worth enough since so many people who surround me either have something so much better going for them or just have so much more. I’m just a conglomeration which doesn’t fit into anything that should make sense. I used to find solace with that through god. I used to think it all made me unique, but now it’s just awful to be so apparently obsolete in a world where normality is desired.
I think that’s what I always admired about Jared though; He was an outsider. Similar to Ponyboy and the gang he had his brothers and he was tuff. He smoked, he fought, he didn’t finish high school but he was a good son and had a better heart than I will ever have. He was the only person who didn’t think that where you came from defined who you will become. He didn’t cheer when this phony spoke at my graduation saying that being from Evanston is a golden ticket, while everyone else just ate it up like the future is this astonishing path to glory and greatness.
Although it’s a shame this world has lost a goddamn punk like Jared, the afterlife is a lucky place and I dare to believe that I’ll see him there. I don’t know where you are but it’s got to be better than here.
Ben Bonkoske 