It is a confusing thing to try so hard and accept failure so graciously. I am above the method of beating myself up like a bad cat who went to the bathroom wherever he felt like today. I don’t believe punishment is necessary to instill a fresh new perspective but there is a long list of things I still need to fix about myself, and day by day, I am no better off (or in some cases worse off) than I was when this quarantine started. Some things that are going well are sobriety, no Netflix, no youtube, daily reading, and writing. Things that are not so good: Waking up, diet, actively looking for a job. And things that are in the middle are running and meditation. I had a small revelation that instead of trying to make small incremental changes, it is best to just rip the band-aid off and do the whole thing in one go. However, what happens when you want to make a change (no matter how big or how small) every time you just end up with bupkiss. It is not a good feeling, but my bed is so cooommmfforrtable in the morning (or early afternoon). Another good point is, what if I try to fix everything at once; my rip the band-aid off method, and slowly I fall back into old habits because it is too much to handle. This, is hot and dangerous!
There is more than one way to solve a problem. Some people give up before it is fixed. Often times, that is when they are closest to a breakthrough. It’s a shame when people give up but what is even sadder is people who never change. Lists are helpful. Thanks for letting me clear out the cobwebs.
Ben Bonkoske 