Ben Bonkoske

I often see bad decisions flash before my eyes. I can fast-forward, rewind, and replay me sneaking out of bed at three o’clock in the morning for a bowl of ice cream. If it is so wrong why does it make life worthwhile? I think it is extraordinary that we exist at all, and we would have no way of knowing if we never did. I’m a noisy kid. I blubber with my mouth full in decadent indulgence, or at least, I did. Why give up so much for so little? Irritable. So young and so fragile, but when I am alone with my shower thoughts, all I can think about is how much better my life would be if I never made any mistakes. Regrets are going to be saved for another article but MISTAKES make the muppet of a man. A mistake may always look innocent but is really a woman dressed as Oliver Twist. I’ve always been good at looking happy while I die a little inside. Why do we insist on obscuring reality? It is so beautiful when left alone. I was always too different. I tried so hard to find the right balance, but I kid you not, I never was better than when I couldn’t remember my last shot. I’d feel burnt to a crisp when I finally went to bed, waiting for the next late-night crime to unwind in this crummy world until I realized, at last, I had fallen behind. I still am playing catch up, but it isn’t fun. I have some good role models, who show that even at the top, you could be extremely miserable, even if you still miss it.