Ben Bonkoske

Every day is history. I’d so much rather live in a library than be on tv. How is it that so much can happen on any given day, but we only recognize the past as a few (usually tragic) events. My life should be interpreted differently than the nightly news. I should think every day of the times that make me stronger and smile regardless that I am plighted with weakness and depression. I think we get too comfortable doing the same things over and over and the next thing we know, it has been a year. Some (and when I say some, I mean most) can’t focus that long and the result is that they are contingent on the tsunami of other expectation obligations. I can’t seem to focus on one idea long enough without it going nowhere quickly. My current record is 31 days consecutive writing and that is all that is important. Everything else is just endurance. I don’t even need to be successful, and my palm reads that I won’t be rich but I just want to know that my dreams are not dead. 23 is too young to be old. My biggest pet peeve is feeling like I have to convince somebody else of this. I’d just hope I can convince myself to jump. It isn’t dangerous, but for some reason, it is still stupid. I have trouble thinking otherwise about myself. Others sometimes suggest I have a brain, and a heart, and courage but no. I am not trying to be recalcitrant, I am trying to belive the American dream that we can do what we want. I am probably getting smarter because I always end up knowing something I didn’t the day before. And sometimes I am hopeful of new perspectives. Self-help books help but I am still a schizoid. We all want to get out of this city that we were raised in because to stay is to admit defeat. I hate to say it makes me very happy to be in Chicago, but that is comfort talking, so no, not for me. Even when I see so many people who can hide the lie to themselves that they are successful based on everybody else’s discretion, I can see the man behind the curtain. There are so many irritating things on my plate but at least I have a full appetite. I am not afraid to swallow a beetle. Hopefully, it will be poisonous enough to help me realize the importance of the little things. Like never growing up one year at a time.