Wow. Angsty. Almost sour. I’m happy. Believe me. I’m happiest when I’m sad though. It is good to know there are still things to cry over. Still reasons to be in love. Still a fight worth losing. Memories that hurt enough to see tomorrow. It is important to have problems with the ones we love. It wouldn’t be fun if it was easy. 10 years wouldn’t be worth it if it wasn’t hard, to look back at without thinking, “I can’t believe we made it, and I wouldn’t have made it without you.” Maybe someday I will see. I’m not jealous of everybody else. I have enough things I worry about that I can actually change. I’m tired of listening to the same sad songs. Music gives me so much more meaning than competitive reading. I miss being fun. I miss having fun. I miss being prophetic, but now I am like a young Bukowski. Bitter as a flower seed. I’m better off alone. No one to hurt but me.
Yours,
happily.
Ben Bonkoske 