Ben Bonkoske

I’m so glad I have something rudimentary to keep me in check. After a day of truly recluding back into habits I haven’t exhibited for the last nine months, I’ve finally taken a deep breath and have become annoyed with my pedantic attitude. I WATCH TV LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE. I don’t want to. We all need some form of release, a guilty pleasure, and yes, I feel very guilty after my day of hedonism. I’m intrinsically ugly. It is easy to hate yourself. I apologize for imposing those beliefs on beautiful little girls, but I suppose we all need to grow up someday. My head hurts and I’m planning a getaway to the Smoky mountains. I suppose it is best to try and be better than your previous self, but I peaked long ago, and I regret myself for it. I honestly worry about my lonely funeral. I just wouldn’t want to make a big fuss when I go. I’m nothing special. Doing what I love has proven how bad I am at it. Write a page worth reading. I’d be lucky if I achieved that before I’m thirty. I just don’t want to be anybody besides an old believer. Perhaps I’m running myself dry, but I highly doubt that. I have nothing I enjoy. I have gone back to just escaping. An escape artist. Ha, not even I believe that.