Ben Bonkoske

The falling snow is a good excuse not to run today. I’ve earned a day off after stuffing my gullet. Looking back (on the morning rain), I’m glad my parents never budged on allowing any form of inebriation in their household. I hold nothing against parents who did, but the thrill of sneaking around to get away with something you know you shouldn’t is truly a fond memory when I think of growing up. I don’t miss the arguments that I got in when I got caught. I’m still not that far away from taking a brisk walk, bumming a cigarette and jumping into a hot shampoo shower so a hunting dog wouldn’t suspect a thing. I’m learning and growing older. Because of these old rules I can abide by them on my own accord nowadays. I am on the brink of an application to a very competitive MFA program so pray for me. I don’t necessarily believe praying changes the outcomes of things, but prayer changes the person who prays to be a better person I think. I’m always surprised after I get two or three sentences rolling that I’m much more willing to share the depths of my desires and fears with my lovelies. There always seems to be someone awake in the attic of my very noisy head. I have very low expectations but I also believe in miracles. Miracles are handed out to those who dare to go and get it. I’m am very afraid of rejection (I just don’t know it yet). A comedian I respect talked about what he would do differently if he was my age. He responded, “ask her out”. Take the risk. Approach the things you are scared of. And if it wasn’t for my father’s rigorous rules but empathetic turn around, I would never have the courage to try and pull off a Ocean’s Eleven heist. The Iowa’s Writer’s Workshop. There. I said it. Now the whole world can celebrate when I lose. I’ve said it before, I am a very lucky loser. Of course this year has been bad. And things can always get a lot worse. But it takes so much more strength and effort to remember the good things that happened instead of everything that went awry.