Is it worse to write something worthless or to just be quiet until you have something meaningful to say? I think one of the greatest signs of intelligence is knowing when to shut the fuck up. The goal is that if I run, write, etc. every day, I will run faster, write deeper, etc. I don’t believe in writer’s block. I do believe in laziness, weakness, in other words, being human. I believe that by removing one from a situation or confusing math equation, you can come back with a fresh new perspective. However, it is common experience that after a break, we often want another excuse to repeat the “time off.” It is time to grow up a little. I think growing up is partially recognizing that we don’t want the same things we wanted when we were younger.
My day-to-day life exceeds my wildest dreams a year ago. It would bring me to tears to think of where I’ve come compared to who I was a year ago. Well, Not really, maybe it would move me enough to say, “well, good for you.” It would kill me to say that about someone else who just seems like they are in the same place as me…or god forbid, a few years ahead. I am not the end-all-be-all. In fact, I would be a disappointing protagonist in the big book of life. It isn’t easy finding that balance between being kind to yourself, hating yourself, and accepting yourself for who you are. I’m awfully rough to myself so I can only imagine how I treat other people. I don’t get angry that often, but I find myself most comfortable with being sad for no good reason. It isn’t as simple as depression. Maybe I don’t have everything I’d want out of life, but I don’t pretend like I’m happy when we all know goddamn well you are not. Not normal.
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Ben Bonkoske 