Let’s just look on the brightside. It isn’t worth reliving nightmares. Fear is interesting. It is amorphous, follows us through childhood lurking like a shadow, and then consumes us like the sun. I wish we outgrew crying when we got older. I’m a tear salesman. Being a good person is just being nice when you could be mean. I’m recognizing I’m not as smart as I thought I am. I did that all by myself. There is a lot of great things I’ve done. All day I have the luxury of thinking. Learning is a skill I tried but failed at. It is my low IQ. But my heart beats. The best part of my day is when I feel something. I’d burn all the lovely books that make me think for love. I’ve torn many, many pages out of my journals out of frustration (but that is personal). I am at fault. But goddamn do I think highly of myself. And others. One of the worst memories was the realization of how boring and vacant some people are. But there is always beauty. My mind has a bad metabolism and I’m a glutton for beauty. It is not a sustainable objective. But the alternative is just my luck. If I want to take anything from the past year of my life is the ability to find beauty burrowed under a rock. The little earthworms, and kiss them right on the tip of their heads. I suggest you do the same. Make sure to look them in the eye! Sex isn’t everything. I don’t know why it is taking me so long to see it. Just you wait, I’ll die a priest. Abstinence isn’t everything either. In fact, it’s the opposite of everything technically. The less I say, the more.
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Ben Bonkoske 