Why can’t I take one night off? I could but I can’t. I take all kinds of days off. Many hours go wasted, poured down the drain like flat beer. My whole life is a vacation for Christake. Everything is losing its fun lately. It is a symptom of taking life seriously. I want to laugh again. Even Dave Chapelle has lost his sense of humor it seems. I wish to be different. I wish to be born in a different time in a different body with a different mind. What kind of world would make someone feel such awful ways? Earth baby. It is full of worthless people who make you feel worthless. My best friend is a septuagenarian. I live in my parent’s basement and I’m still doing better than I ever have in the past 5 years. Unless you consider suicide missions my peak. You know what saves me? The fact that I can disappear into a time different than all the bull in a book. I’m so glad I don’t watch television. You may have noticed, but the screen is a good reminder of why life and our genetics are insufficient. At least it is nice to read. I would welcome some tears, or a smile, or just being listened to. I’m convinced I’m a bad person. I made a lot of mistakes. I got tired of making them, but I still made them all the same. I want to write so I can be left alone. I don’t meet too many people these days who do what they want because they love it. Even my agency is based on word count.
Ben Bonkoske 