Ben Bonkoske

I can’t tell if i’ve already written about “being on vacation.” It is funny, or sad, whichever you choose, that when I write something that is meant to be funny, it sounds hurtful upon second glance, and when I write something intended to be taken seriously, all I hear is people laughing. I’m glad to hear about all these young kids writing books of poetry and novels. It makes me happy to know A. They still got it in em’ B. That reading and writing may not be a dead medium yet. My world ended a few days ago. Headline: my Plan A was crushed. I overslept to get over it, but once I gathered the will to live, I remembered that it was just an insignificant bummer. Life goes on. I wasn’t ready for pre-prime time writing anyways. Even I know I’m not at that point yet, so I don’t know why I thought I could trick a bunch of people who do it professionally that I had my place in those writer’s workshops. Technically, I’ve only heard back from 5 of the 10 schools I applied to, but I have very low expectations, which is better than high expectations because then you aren’t so disappointed all the damn time(That is from Diary of a Wimpy Kid – one of the first books that made me LOVE reading). I don’t think there is much that is more enjoyable than watching yourself turn the pages, make progress, and get towards the climax of those little books. I am back in the frame of mind where I know I have too much to do to relax. It was such an awful feeling smoking those cigs, because very very quickly, I felt like I had nothing to do. If I never feel that way again it will be too soon. I’m moving on. I suppose it is not wise to burn old bridges. I think I wrote something along the lines of, I can’t be living my life for someone else. I felt like I was in a fight with someone I wasn’t even dating. At the end of the day, it just really made me feel insufficient. I don’t need that. I’m sure I sounded hurtful and made her cry, but I don’t know why. You should know something if you are in love with someone. Besides, and I never thought I say this, but I’m in love with my work. Now, if I could only get a job.