I’m writing from my second desk…the floor. Today I restrung my guitar to prepare for the recording process of my fourth album. Somehow a nice microphone landed on my lap. Technically, I’d put it in the category of a demo EP, but hey, I’m trying. I need a freaking guitar teacher. Or better, just an introduction video on different strumming patterns. I have been using the SAME one since the first night I picked up a guitar almost, what, 10 years ago? Also, Check out Chai Bisque podcast on my youtube channel – Ben Bon. If you subscribe I will mention it in the next episode. I think I underestimated how many people read and write. I read more last year than I probably did in all of college. That’s not to say I didn’t try to read, I just prioritized passive behavior. I truly have found a wonderful community here on WordPress. Thanks for the support! Y’all are awesome. It’s a good reminder that literature is still appreciated. This blog has been a great way to visualize my journey and process the struggles and successes that have come my way. Life doesn’t always go the way you planned, but I’m finally at a place where I can accept the reality of things. Humility isn’t always being humiliated (which is what I thought and was very familiar with), it is having a rational, accurate understanding of yourself. I used to be insecure for all the wrong reasons. But now, I’m building a character that can look beyond my shortcomings. My bedtime has been moved up an hour. My doctor told me the best sleep occurs before midnight. Exhausted by the end of the day is common, but once it is past midnight, I don’t know why, but I get wired. Since my little nicotine excursion (I’m so bummed, someone wrote me a comment congratulating me on six months without a puff – ALSO that guy is publishing a book so right on for him! (P.S Comments are highly encouraged)) I get these bursts of adrenaline or excitement for the things to come right as i’m trying to wind down. This overwhelming sensation is familiar and I used to attribute it to deficient medication, but now I am convinced it is just my brain rewiring after ten miserable cigarettes. I visited a bench where I used to knock out a few stogies. Since I am now operating under the mentality that I will never smoke another cigarette again, I decided to just try and sit there and breathe in the air. It smelled sweet. It was a nice moment of serenity. Not that often that those little moments come flitter by. Sometimes you have to schedule it out. I took three 30 minute walks today because deep down, I’m just a little jittery. It was pretty much back to square 1 after 194 days of progress (i.e no smoky smoky). To 200 and beyond! Life doesn’t just get easier after you’ve been working so hard for so long. It grows and strengthens right along with you, and you have to keep working a little bit harder. Best advice – never become complacent.
Ben Bonkoske 