Ben Bonkoske

whatever. The best part of my day was listening to my sister having her heart broken. I’m being sarcastic. I hate having to explain my humor. Sometimes things aren’t all that funny. I forgot about how awful break ups are. 100 fucks are worth one good kiss. Obviously there are things more important than sex. I think I know what I want and then I do the complete opposite. I just don’t feel like I’m doing the right thing because I don’t know what it is, or looks like. I haven’t always had the best people to learn from. I think there is a quote that says, “I wish everyone was rich and famous so they would know that that is not the answer.” I think it was Jim Carrey. I used to be like that crazed bastard. I’ve changed. And yet, I haven’t grown. I never knew my toxicity and all that bull, because I just never looked in a damn mirror. Or if I did, all I saw was myself – not the way I treated the world. I want to cook and clean for someone I love. I want to listen. It isn’t a fun feeling to be left alone with yourself and not being satisfied with your character. Sleeping around is a really bad trait in a person. I’ve really learned that I have trouble balancing things in my life. I don’t understand that you can just be a normal person without destroying everything in your path. I am like the God of destruction, Shiva. Today should have been a win. I got my first apartment. horay. I muddy it up with all sorts of degradation and loose morals. I am hard to work with. I’m starting to think I will be alone for a long time. Surrounded by all sorts of wonderful people I won’t ever be looking at.