We are in my kitchen. Both of us have just jumped into the lake for what we thought was to be our last hurrah of the year, but, men like us with balls, decide we’ll aim for once a month year round.
I’m boiling a pot of tea, and my friend Sam has some schmutz on his lip, so I tell him about the scene from There’s Something About Mary, when Cameron Diaz puts some splooge in her hair. He says he likes Ben Stiller, whose in the movie. I mention I like Tom Cruise, another 5’7” gentleman.
“Whose 5’7”?” My considerably tall friend Sam asks.
“You’re looking at him,” I say.
It’s a funny feeling to hear that your friend of over ten years thought you were three inches taller than you actually are. “You just have such big energy.” He continues. And I say, “I just don’t make a big deal about it.” (Any more)
This post will probably damn me once my name is googlable and people want to see what my size is an all that. I’ve always hoped I’d just be writer who would transcend my physical size. I know how tall a few of the greats are. You just wanna know sometimes.
But on the subject of looking people up on the internet. I may be asking myself what are my thoughts on returning to the internet, whether it be to write, to post pictures, and to progress my career. And I’d like to say I think it is terrible. However, I’m sure there were people when the television was invented that said they’d never watch a minute of tv in their lifetime. And those people are awesome. However, However, just because you don’t engage with a certain phenomenon doesn’t mean that it doesn’t exist. That is, unless you live in a pretty self-centered visionary philosophical mind-frame. And furthermore, you are actually missing a lot of potential information and experiences which may shape the world around us if you are closed off from that side of reality – being the fake one.
I think change is important, but isn’t it just so hypocritical to delete everything for a good two years only to come crawling back? I don’t live in a world where, “I dunno” is a suitable answer. My best explanation is that I tend to shift with the tides. I am not necessarily first dimensional individual.
I will also mention that I can tend to scare myself out of my own unfathomable ego which is not a great attribute. So the likleyhood of me going AWOL again, is probable. And what is the point? Self centeredness.
I was riveting my therapist today about how this attribute about me – consistency – or rather – inconsistency is a characteristic which makes it very difficult to live with myself – much less have another human being to have a prolonged relationship with me. But I am who I’ve got.
I mentioned on Tuesday that I was reading another person’s poetry. And it was just a nice reminder that there is other tempos that people beat to. And we are like music that makes new songs with ourselves.
We all listen to our own music, but it is good to listen to others.
Ben Bonkoske 