My biggest fear, from long ago, was the idea of not being the only one in a closed loving relationship. Fears change. I’ve learned that not all relationships are only a one (two) way highway that goes only into the sunset. People need other people than just one person to define their whole life’s purpose. That all being said, don’t be that asshole who is imposing on someone else’s love story.
Other than the first sentence, or part of a sentence – known as its morphology – when I sit down and burst my words onto the page for the evening, there is no preparation, save for a morning run and a nap. Maybe some chips and salsa if I am lucky, but today I had to rely on chocolate. I always say that the indication of if I am doing well in life is if there is giardiniera in my fridge. You can determine this state of my affairs from either this here blog post, or feel free to explore everything from January 13th to today.
Someone I know once renounced their graduate program, storming out, screaming, “you are either the smartest people I know, or the stupidest people I know.” I have a lot of conflicting beliefs when it comes to intelligence, and what it entails for a person to be “intelligent.” For me, for whatever twisted traumatic high school reason – I really just think it boils down to what college you attended/finished at. However, by my age, it really should come down to how much money you have and what car you drive – right? I don’t know what being smart is if it ain’t just being happy. But, well, first off, I intended this paragraph to inform you that I am probably the smartest stupid person I know. The problem, is I just ain’t know that many smart folk. Maybe you do. However, what has just come up, or has been discovered through the act of writing is that – in a deep sleep while I was time traveling out of bounds and had to be returned back to my own time zone, I was talking with the man who came to my rescue. He told me all that is important is the woman you marry. That’s all intelligence should ever amount to for a man. A good woman. Or man.
Now, maybe women can never be happy, but I don’t think so. I just think it’s a lot harder to be happy these days – not sure why. I think it’s the internet warping everyone’s perspective and hijacking everyone’s reward systems, and showing us the whole world without us ever seeing it. I think happiness depends on each individual, but you can never be happy alone – not in the end. Maybe I’m wrong. And with my fears, sometimes I’m wrong about what I’m afraid is true, my faults.
Ben Bonkoske 