Ben Bonkoske

I’m grateful for my few friends that have stuck with me in my life
I’m grateful for Sam, and Nick, and Patrick specifically, and Tony
I’m grateful for the tears when they come, and the times they go away for a while
I’m grateful for laughter and good reasons to laugh (and the bad ones)
I’m grateful for beautiful music that makes me feel understood, and hard rough music that I get to listen to when I’m angry at everything, and rap to make me feel like a mf
I’m grateful I haven’t given up yet.
I’m grateful for soda, specifically Ginger ale, root beer, and dr. pepper and mountain dew
I’m grateful for my love of writing
I’m grateful for the love I’ve had in my life
I’m grateful for my broken heart and crooked smile
I’m grateful for everything that has ever hurt me because it has made me a better person
I’m grateful for the small few I can call my family
I’m grateful for being in AA and the twelve steps and twelve traditions giving me a design for living
I’m grateful I’m sober
I’m grateful for cigarettes
I’m grateful for blonde milfs and porn
I’m grateful for my therapist who can take all my shit that I hate about myself and life, and turn it into something intelligent sounding, and make life easier
I’m grateful for my grandma
I’m grateful that it is 1 am and I’m not alone in this universe, not really
I’m grateful for pictures, even though I try to hide from the world
I’m grateful for the blonde, the brunette, and the redhead
I still hate my dad, but not really
I”m grateful for John Royse for being a father to me
I”m so grateful for David Foster Wallace who took his life for writing so that I know I will never be alone and understand everything
I”m grateful that I have a lumpy bed and a warm living room
I”m grateful for television and YouTube
I”m grateful I’m a good person at heart, no matter how bad I can be
I’m grateful I believe in God
I’m grateful for twilight
I’m grateful the Government knows I know my apartment is bugged, and keeps me in check, because I know I’m looked after by something that I’d hope is trying to help me
I’m grateful for teaching when I get the opportunity to do it, and the laughter of young kids
and I guess I’m grateful for something else I can’t describe but I wouldn’t call it God, I’d just call it the crappy conversation the universe has with me because it knows who I am and I can’t lie my way out of it all, and suicide is waiting right in my kitchen