First, let us thank wonderful technological progress which allows us the ability to edit what we write. I am glad to edit my words, and revise them so they sound sound.
Second, a small apology to anywon looking at my writing website and finding only reflections and poetry. Although I do like some of my off-the-cuff writing, I hope it is known that there are other works of mine that are finalized, published, and have my respect. I have difficulty censoring my posts, because I am so in love with them, I think they ought to be read. Google my name.
It has been a good week, a good day, and will hopefully be a good night
There are many places to begin, because there have been many beginnings and endings that have occurred in the past accumulated hours since my last scribe. Conversations, jokes, songs, meals, days, and nights.
It is difficult to be a writer and maintain one’s integrity. The latter is difficult regardless of one’s avocation.
I have been awfully happy the past month and because of it, I worry I will not have words to write. I know of many reasons why I am very lucky – I have friends, a good job, I live in a beautiful city, I believe in God, and all the other millions of delights that accompany me on my drives to and from work and in my bed – and I know of few reasons why I should not be writing.
A valid reason that would impede one’s writing is a contradiction against one’s belief system, resulting in confusion and loss of purpose.
My purpose in life undergoes changes, and my happiness is only as valid as I am I able to adapt with the changes through my experiences. I do not feel I’ve betrayed myself, but rather that the truth is different than I once believed.
This is a good thing because I am very happy. This is a bad thing because I may appear to be a hypocrite.
I think that moral and ethical codes differ from integrity. Frankly, I can do a lot of bad things and still be deemed a good person in my own eyes, and vice versa. I can abide by a set of principles and not be living aligned with some vague idea of my integrity.
I am not arguing for organized religion. But I am arguing that one really sit down with oneself and recognize what it is they believe to be right and wrong. Today and now. Not because you think God thinks so, but because you think so. What are those things you do and things you just don’t.
The one line I don’t cross is “take” another guy’s girl. It is just a line I don’t want to ever cross. I don’t think anybody wants to do that sort of thing, but many people do, because they end up wanting that sort of thing.
What does take mean? I don’t think it is written in words or conditions, but you know when another man loves a girl you want, and vice versa.
Today, I found out someone I highly respected, and was highly respected in my community, crossed a line.
It broke my heart.
It’s not even my heart to have been broken, but you put so much faith into people, and institutions, that they may just let you down. So at the end of the day, you should know what you think is right.
The rules can change so quick, you forget them. You can change the rules. You really can. The rules change when you get older, right? Wrong? Others know the rules you might forget. But it is those with no rules for them to abide by, that have no words to write.
We all determine what is right or wrong for ourselves. Many people determine that voice of reason to be called God. God is not you, and you can’t blame God for what you do. There are many people compelled by their own self interests doing things that don’t agree with what they claim they believe. So know what you believe about yourself.
I’m either I’m the luckiest guy in the world, or he is.
Ben Bonkoske 