I am often surprised by life, once I get out of what I think I know about everything. People say that the thirties are much more settled, and I think on a very base level, my life has some sort of consistency and pattern to my daily and weekly doings – but excitement still presents itself.
It is good to try things that are different from what you expect. My experience has shown me that when I do nothing, call off plans, sleep in, and watch TV for too long, I am never relaxed. I am conflicted with a small amount of dread, and despite being sick of being a couch potato, I only wish to prolong this suffering.
Last night, it was pushing midnight, and I was overcome with dread about the fact that I promised to go to the Universalist Unitarian church with my professor’s son. His son, a sophomore at ETHS is being bullied and feels hopeless and suicidal. When I was his age, and I felt so confused and upset about the world, I turned to God. So I brought him to the place that helped me understand that there was something in the universe that loved me – often channeled through old ladies sharing their experience.
I hadn’t been to that church in ten years, and there were people I recognized, and, who recognized me. All that aside, I saw the kid smile, and we got him a Bible, and it looks like this is going to be part of my routine.
What I really really really didn’t want to do was to go to my grandparents afterwards. Hell, I had done enough good deeds for the week.
But I did. My grandparents are getting up there and who knows how long they’ve got – although, while I was there, it seemed as though they are going to live forever in their very lived-in home, because to my knowlege, they haven’t aged or changed in the past ten years either. Let’s hope for the best.
I’ve promised my grandma a few things in my lifetime. One of them is that I would write a book about her father, my great-grandfather who walked with a cane his whole life. Being that I have some time on my hands, I decided it was time to start this book.
They told me the story I’ve been told my whole life, and I wrote the first chapter of the book from their basement, where time ceases to exist and good, true words can be written. I read them what I wrote, and if all goes according to plan, this is how I will be spending my Sundays for the next while until it is finished. Also the Bears won!
I have a lot of writing projects that I am working on right now. When it comes to reading, I realized that I was reading a few too many books, and it was taking much too long to finish any of them, so I revised my reading method to only read one book at a time. I think I’ve finished three in the past three months. I have decided to read Moby Dick – not because I want to, but because it will make me a better writer. And just like solving a rubix cube, once off my plate, I am sure that I will give myself a lot of other books have the joy of reading quickly. I am aiming to finish a book of a lifetime by the end of the year.
As I said, I have a lot of writing projects I am working on. I think there is something like six or seven books I’d like to write. This is an indication that I have put off my passion for a few too many years, and now it is time to do what I love and get back on track.
- The book about high school
- the book about my great grandfather
- Another collection of short stories
- A novel about Chicago AA
- A book of poetry
- A memoir
- A second edition of my first book
- The motorcycle diary
This all aside from the fact that I have a manuscript that I will be sending to publishers and agents. Hopefully two in the next month or so.
The backward moral is that I am glad to have so many projects – many wells to pull from- and yes, there are nights when a word will just not present itself. However, my hope is that by having this long list of projects, I can have diversity based on how I am feeling for the day or night and be able to execute some progress on each of them. Knock em off like the books I read when I read what I want.
I have to give myself the grace of creative liberty to work on what is calling me—not to force something that doesn’t want to be written at the moment. I am optimistic, and I have shown myself that when I do what I love and follow my heart, there is nothing I can’t accomplish.
Ben Bonkoske 