Today didn’t happen…well, it didn’t happen the way I wanted it to. My Dreamcatcher has been overworked, so I took it down to spiritually rejuvenate. I need a new one. Luckily, my grandpa has one lying around. I will be visiting him quite often this summer to write a novella for my grandma in their basement.
This is all to say that I slept in, and had a Nightmare.1
I am returning to my hometown this summer to watch two cats and live on a modest paycheck so that I can get out of the hustle bustle of the city and have time to write.
Last night I dreamt that during my stay in Evanston, I was attending classes in the city all summer. Therefore, I was obliged by unimportant things as usual, instead of having some peace and quiet and time to work.
So let’s just hope that dream doesn’t escape and become a reality because my Dreamcatcher is out of commission.
My Dreamcatcher wasn’t the only thing out of commission today.
After a full-moon drum circle that went into the morning, I woke up, went for my morning walk, cleaned up, meditated, and right about there, I “gave up” for the day.
I went to the cemetery to be with nature. On my way, a man from Atlanta was smelling a flower, so I smelled it. I joined him in conversation. Instead of making an excuse for why my career isn’t what it should be, I said what I do (substitute teacher and writer) with pride. I think, in some sense, I wasn’t justifying myself to myself anymore. Because I am trusting myself and going after what I love…until my dad stops me or I end up in a hospital again.
I brought along a book to read with the dead people, but I was tired of reading, so I think I just hung out with some birds. I got calm and still enough to see how those little white puffballs float. I think they know how to fly – Seriously. How often do you find them on the ground?
When I got back, I knew that all of the self-imposed expectations myself didn’t make a world of difference; Sometimes you just have to say fuck it, and watch a movie.
One of the biggest secrets of productivity is knowing the thing that you are willing to. Even if it isn’t what you initially wanted to do.
- Knowing the things to do
- Knowing what you are willing to do
Sometimes it is doing nothing. But I, like a lot of people, certainly don’t like doing nothing all that much too often.
So I watched Interstellar ( for the first time), and I literally cried like six times during the movie.
I feel like a part of me, some inner-teenager, would have been embarrassed that a movie made me so emotional, and that, I don’t know, it’s kinda pathetic to just be crying by yourself alone in a dark room with your computer.
But I find it much more embarrassing and pathetic to withhold your emotions in fear of appearances…especially when you are alone.
Makes me sad how much of what we do is just us thinking about how people are going to react to what we are doing. But that is a topic for a different time.
So, anyway, not the best day of my life. But I travelled past Saturn and transcended into the fifth dimension. This is because I wasn’t watching myself instead of watching the movie.2
- The word “night” comes from Old English niht (West Saxon neaht, Anglian næht, neht) “the dark part of a day; the night as a unit of time; darkness,”also “absence of spiritual illumination, moral darkness, ignorance,” from Proto-Germanic
The word “nightmare” originates from Old English “niht-mare,” meaning “night-goblin” or “night-mare”. The second part, “mare,” refers to a female spirit or goblin believed to cause sleep paralysis and distressing dreams, not the female horse. ↩︎ - Painting – Coming Home – Taudalpoif
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Ben Bonkoske 