Poet Without a Pen
Ben Bonkoske
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Time-traveling to type
I am often surprised by life, once I get out of what I think I know about everything. People say that the thirties are much more settled, and I think on a very base level, my life has some sort of consistency and pattern to my daily and weekly doings – but excitement still presents itself.
It is good to try things that are different from what you expect. My experience has shown me that when I do nothing, call off plans, sleep in, and watch TV for too long, I am never relaxed. I am conflicted with a small amount of dread, and despite being sick of being a couch potato, I only wish to prolong this suffering.
Last night, it was pushing midnight, and I was overcome with dread about the fact that I promised to go to the Universalist Unitarian church with my professor’s son. His son, a sophomore at ETHS is being bullied and feels hopeless and suicidal. When I was his age, and I felt so confused and upset about the world, I turned to God. So I brought him to the place that helped me understand that there was something in the universe that loved me – often channeled through old ladies sharing their experience.
I hadn’t been to that church in ten years, and there were people I recognized, and, who recognized me. All that aside, I saw the kid smile, and we got him a Bible, and it looks like this is going to be part of my routine.
What I really really really didn’t want to do was to go to my grandparents afterwards. Hell, I had done enough good deeds for the week.
But I did. My grandparents are getting up there and who knows how long they’ve got – although, while I was there, it seemed as though they are going to live forever in their very lived-in home, because to my knowlege, they haven’t aged or changed in the past ten years either. Let’s hope for the best.
I’ve promised my grandma a few things in my lifetime. One of them is that I would write a book about her father, my great-grandfather who walked with a cane his whole life. Being that I have some time on my hands, I decided it was time to start this book.
They told me the story I’ve been told my whole life, and I wrote the first chapter of the book from their basement, where time ceases to exist and good, true words can be written. I read them what I wrote, and if all goes according to plan, this is how I will be spending my Sundays for the next while until it is finished. Also the Bears won!
I have a lot of writing projects that I am working on right now. When it comes to reading, I realized that I was reading a few too many books, and it was taking much too long to finish any of them, so I revised my reading method to only read one book at a time. I think I’ve finished three in the past three months. I have decided to read Moby Dick – not because I want to, but because it will make me a better writer. And just like solving a rubix cube, once off my plate, I am sure that I will give myself a lot of other books have the joy of reading quickly. I am aiming to finish a book of a lifetime by the end of the year.
As I said, I have a lot of writing projects I am working on. I think there is something like six or seven books I’d like to write. This is an indication that I have put off my passion for a few too many years, and now it is time to do what I love and get back on track.
- The book about high school
- the book about my great grandfather
- Another collection of short stories
- A novel about Chicago AA
- A book of poetry
- A memoir
- A second edition of my first book
- The motorcycle diary
This all aside from the fact that I have a manuscript that I will be sending to publishers and agents. Hopefully two in the next month or so.
The backward moral is that I am glad to have so many projects – many wells to pull from- and yes, there are nights when a word will just not present itself. However, my hope is that by having this long list of projects, I can have diversity based on how I am feeling for the day or night and be able to execute some progress on each of them. Knock em off like the books I read when I read what I want.
I have to give myself the grace of creative liberty to work on what is calling me—not to force something that doesn’t want to be written at the moment. I am optimistic, and I have shown myself that when I do what I love and follow my heart, there is nothing I can’t accomplish.
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Green Field
I say this often: Even a week’s hiatus can be detrimental to the practice of writing.
The good news is I have many projects on the horizon.
I have taken (with the approval of my father) a year to focus on my writing goals.
My hope is that my new manuscript of old short stories is accepted for publication. I have been going through a list of all of the available publishers in The Writer’s Market 100th Edition. I have also sent out a proposal to an agent, and will be looking through the list of agents in the book as well.
It is time that I publish in literary magazines and contests. Hopefully this will give me some credibility.
I do well with lists.
- Write books and short stories
- Submit to literary magazines
- Find an agent
- Get published
If I make a list of things I want to accomplish, in some way or other it usually is done. Sometimes, there are new things that become prioritized, and old things linger on there for years.
“Business as usual against the heart.”
For example, I’ve wanted to write a certain book since I was 18 years old. This year, I decided I had three other books to write that would take precedence. Last week, a novel called to me to be written, and I am six chapters into that.
A change of plans can be a good thing. I hope I will be able to write my first book idea better with the extra practice. It seems so.
The good news is, I have an academic year ahead of me to accomplish all of these goals.
But I should keep a list of my duties. And a daily agenda to make sure that I am given the space to accomplish these things. And enough humanity to throw my agenda out the window every once and a while.
I will be your friendly-neighborhood-substitute teacher again this year. I am so happy about it. Hopefully, it either leads to a future job or future stories.
I have gained some weight. I will have to be wise about my diet, exercise, sleep schedule, and other indulgences to make sure that I am of sound body and mind.
I wonder if I have lost my great, in-depth analysis of everything; well, hopefully we won’t have to wait until next week to find out.
I will be at my desk.
Ben Bonkoske is the author of two novels, Spoon in the Road, and Carolina, Colorado, California. He is also the author of two collections of short stories, Ten Zen by Ben, and Eleven Stories for 11:11. He lives in Chicago, where he likes to take walks.
B. A, M.A.T.
Ben Bonkoske 