You know, some dance instructors kill themselves. Some lawyers do too, I’m sure, after a long lost case. And parents stuck at home and overwhelmed doctors, and CEOs after this last dip in the stock market. If you can’t imagine a dance instructor constrained by the restraint of his life, then you can’t appreciate the freedom of what they instruct. I am not ashamed that my utmost desire is to die doing what I love. In the face of evil, I should not succumb to a paycheck for my expression. It is to live in hell. We’ve all been there. Upset by our own boredom. As if Imagination should strike like lightning (which is relatively rare unless you live in Seattle). I am not proud that death is my closest intimacy, but it makes life worthwhile. It makes me strive for the next night so that sure enough I will ultimately reach my goal.

My problem is that I rushed to the finish, and I assure you an ending was implanted like fake breasts. I’m stupider than a paramedic. Often reduced to a good quote or two to base my entire outlook. A part of me is screaming out to survive, while I watch it dying, and so, I look forward to dying alone. I am not a nihilist cynic any more than a baby is for crying. Yes, yes, “I’m sure he wasn’t raised properly.” “I blame the mother.” “Oh yes, and television.”

If I had the rigor to fall asleep at the same time each night and wake up the next morning without a warning from three poltergeists, I would probably die of excitement. I walk only 4.4 miles a day, which is more than thirty miles a week, but those are rookie numbers, not the numbers I seek. I have no idea how Dickens was able to find the hours in a day to walk 20. Maybe he ran, but I don’t think people had Nike’s back then. He probably didn’t sleep as late as me or waste his time on frivolous poetry. I really shouldn’t compare myself to others because I always end up short and on the outside cohorts that gossip sheepishly. I am the wolf in wizard clothes, warning mothers to stay indoors. My venom has run dry because I’m grouchy as a tiger and sleep is a necessity I don’t compromise. Forget if, but when. Time moves as quick as the sun. And moonlight is too precious to not go skinny dipping in, so I once again, close my eyes, and lift my head, at those who are already in bed. You wouldn’t understand me if I said, I’m already dead.

a steady diet of vitamins that you would be proud of. The deficiency is not in my skin and bones but in my blood. Things just never seem to go fast enough for me. I don’t have anyone to talk to anymore, but there I go, me, me, me, I, I, I want a puppy or a lion, or a litter. you deserve to live in my mind and pump my heart full of the evaporated tears I keep in a jar next to our homemade green cabin. I hope people think I’m crazy because then I will know, that I alone, hold all the answers to my own prayers. What we all could use is a little respect around here, this dirty, unvacuumed society where up is down and black is white. It confounds me how much I waste on other’s opinions of me, but surely, I respect the elderly. At 12:11 I’m all out of tricks. This mustached magician who was all smoke and mirrors has pulled the last virgin bunny out of his top hat. I will just go on to be a mad monkey lover, humping the next ear to listen to me. I haven’t been able to get up the courage to hold any delicate bald head in my sympathy symphony. I still remember what it’s like to hold someone dearly and to be glad to have 13 cigarettes left in my pack after a movie (though I rarely make it to the ending). A clutch of 800 adjectives I could never use properly in your dangling homemade suits, fruits, and truth trees. I once knew what love was, but I didn’t know what it was good for. Just a sequel finished too quickly. It was nice to know you. Happy birthday 23.

August 15th 2016

I waited around all morning for my camera to arrive. I read, I blogged, I wrote other shit but it felt like it would never arrive. I bought a 1,000-dollar Canon 70D. I was jumping for joy and signed the UPS laser scanner thing and started charging it right away. It is way above the capabilities of what I know to do with a camera but all the same I am glad I bought it. It is really fun to use and since it cost so much I am motivated to use it a lot.

I made a video called Make Art which is on Youtube and has 5 views! It was one of my best friends Sam’s Birthday and I have this picture of him but I can’t seem to upload it to Facebook. Oh well, all in all, a great day.