August 14th 2016,

I feel that it isn’t a good idea to be writing as late as I have been. There is nothing better than an all night binge of wordpressing but I feel that I need to recalibrate my sleeping schedule so that there is more productivity in my life.

I spent the weekend with my long time lover and Friend Sarah up at my Lakehouse in Michigan. We spent our days down by the beach, kayaking and relaxing until I returned home yesterday afternoon. My lakehouse is a very cleansing place and I feel as though my mind is drained of all the gunk which comes with living in a metropolitan city.

I am purchasing a camera to further extend the documentation of my life and with that, I need a solid microphone. I went down to Edgewater where my sister lives to drop off the last of my money so that I can support my hobby of filmmaking.

I decided to run back and had a nice healthy dinner. Late at night, I recieved a phone call from my dangerous partner in crime Sam Jackson, whose birthday is today, letting me know of his sexual advances he’s made due to the app tinder. I was proud of my boy and I intend to have a birthday full of fun tonight with the young gent who’s turning 19.

August 9th, 2016

Last night was my last night working as a food runner. I really enjoy earning money. There is nothing better than having a part of your day being filled up and having a reward to follow. I find that with my writing, which although I haven’t been doing a lot on here, there has been plenty of prose work and poetry being done. I just don’t feel like it’s enough for what I want to be doing or have done with my work at my age. I’ve decided to stop smoking pot and I think this will help me be a better self.

I’ve done this before and to be honest things go pretty fast for me and I do need the respective ability to slow down with a little bit of weed, but usually when I try a little bit, I roller coaster into using a lot. I don’t know what the future will hold for me but I do hope that you will hear from me a bit more often.

Sincerely,
Ben

I think it just got to that point in the year where I’m like, it’s still 2016?

July 29th 2016
Well Lollapalooza came to town. I snuck in like I have for the past two years.

June 12th 2016

Today I watched the life of a friend of mine who died in pictures. I personally would call it a shame, but others called it a celebration and rejoicing in his life. I can’t view a person’s life only being pictures of their youth and find it rejoicing. I find it tragic. This was a kid who had a family and died. Hell, I have a family but honestly, I sometimes wish or believe I’d be better off dead. Things around here are just very fucked. They have been ever since my mom died, even before that and they probably will be for a long time. The world just always wants to change right when you want to get comfortable.

I don’t know, does a person’s upbringing determine who they are and become/are destined to do? You’d think all the rich marry each other and become disgustingly wealthy while trash marries trash. Maybe I just don’t feel like I’m worth enough since so many people who surround me either have something so much better going for them or just have so much more. I’m just a conglomeration which doesn’t fit into anything that should make sense. I used to find solace with that through god. I used to think it all made me unique, but now it’s just awful to be so apparently obsolete in a world where normality is desired.

I think that’s what I always admired about Jared though; He was an outsider. Similar to Ponyboy and the gang he had his brothers and he was tuff. He smoked, he fought, he didn’t finish high school but he was a good son and had a better heart than I will ever have. He was the only person who didn’t think that where you came from defined who you will become. He didn’t cheer when this phony spoke at my graduation saying that being from Evanston is a golden ticket, while everyone else just ate it up like the future is this astonishing path to glory and greatness.

Although it’s a shame this world has lost a goddamn punk like Jared, the afterlife is a lucky place and I dare to believe that I’ll see him there. I don’t know where you are but it’s got to be better than here.